Sex for One
Joleen returned home from work one day, bone tired, only for Jack to open the door ahead of her, looking all excited.
“Oh, Jack, please, I just need to …”
“Some of it’s coming back to me, Joleen! I saw the bookshelves and recognized a couple of titles and remembered I used to like to read books, all kinds of books!”
Joleen stirred a little, hopeful that more of Jack’s memory was coming back to him.
“So, I was going through all the books when I saw one that was kind of tucked behind the others and I pulled it out and blew some dust off of it and it was by Betty Dodson and called ‘Sex for One.,,’”
“Oh no, Jack, not now, plea…”
“I mean, like, y’all do that too? Like when I was a boy and we’d ride our bikes and find these old, discarded Playboys on the roadside and we’d take them and hide…”
“THAT’S ENOUGH, JACK! Oh, I got that back in colleg … oh forget it. I need a hot shower now.” She headed toward the bathroom.
“Ok, now, hey you know I had just started the chapter about the clito…”
Joleen closed the door behind her. Geez, now she wasn’t sure whether she was happy or sad about Jack’s memory possibly coming back. Maybe he’ll just put the book down somewhere and forget about it. If she comes across it, she’ll snatch it up, quickly scan it for some refresher tips, then hide it better this time.
She turned on the hot and cold faucets with a heavy emphasis on the hot knob, wrapped a towel around her head, undressed, and stepped in the shower. As the steam arose all around her, she drifted away …
…the steam in the sauna arose all around the Orange County Housewives in the Lake Tahoe retreat for their latest getaway. They all giggled hysterically as they dared each other to drop their luxuriant white towels and reveal the REAL Housewives of Orange County! Joleen removed the towel on her head, wet red hair cascading over her shoulders and ever so slightly loosened the top of her towel, hoping Vicki, who was sitting right next to her, would be embold…
A loud knock at the door interrupted her reverie. She pulled the shower curtain back. Jack yelled, “Open up, I’ve got something I want to show you!”
“I DON’T WANT TO SEE IT!” Whatever knocked his brain sideways in the fall on the riding lawn mower had knocked his manhood upward for unseemly periods of time – which might have been a good thing if it had it not got him going on and on about the mechanics of sex (“..the veins shut off the flow of blood which then fills up the corpora cavernosa…”), and evolutionary psychology, (“…the biological imperative of increasing the size of the tribe to better…”).
“Huh?” Jack queried.
“I’m going to bed, dammit!” She paused a second. “And don’t come buzzing around my beehive either, buster!”
“Beehive?” Jack queried, then said “Alright already, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Joleen got in bed, exhausted, and drifted off to sleep. …Vicki glanced sideways at her, smiled ever so slightly, her hand drifting slowly to the top of her towel… then the dream drifted away.
She awoke the next morning, frustrated, not really knowing why.
Jack sawed logs next to her. Poor guy, he annoyed her even when he was sleeping.
Copyright © Johnny Clack 2022
Short Shorts 