Daydream Believer
Joleen put the last of the dishes up, wiped down the counters with disinfectant spray, and mopped up the kitchen floor. She longed to sit down and watch The Real Housewives of Orange County – the first and still the best! – but then she saw Jack slouched down in his beloved red and blue plaid La-Z Boy with his feet up. Too much reality, really. She tried to slink noiselessly behind him to the bedroom. Too late. Oh, Vicki Gunvalsen, Queen of the Real Housewives of Orange County, where are you?
“Have you ever thought about how things work, Joleen?” Jack asked brightly.
“Have you ever thought about dressing in real clothes?” She knew it was a rhetorical question. Here we go again.
Jack went on “I mean, big things, like how the communication system works? And just what hell do systems managers do? When I pick up the remote and turn on the TV and select the TV Land channel to watch Gunsmoke and see Marshall Dillon shoot the same bad guy over and over again at the beginning of every episo…”
Joleen drifts away. She sees herself in a stunning Diva Zappa evening gown tripping the light fantastic in the poshest club on the Riviera where the girls have gone for a retreat. She is dancing in the arms of Vicki when she notices Kelly and Shannon casting sidelong glances ,..
“,,,then crazy Chester followed him calling out Mr. Dillon! Mr. Dillon! and then they went looking for a place to hide when a guy yelled out ‘Have you seen ol’ Carmen and the devil…”
Joleen snapped to. “Who the hell cares? That series is about a thousand years old” and immediately regretted it. Jack had never been quite right in the head ever since he rolled off the roof and hit his head on the riding lawnmower, the klutz. Still, she had told him not to dare go on the roof the try to repair some loose shingles, dammit.
“Huh? I’ll have you know Gunsmoke started in 1955 and ran for..”
Joleen had gone and gotten the vacuum, an ancient Oreck. She turned it up to the highest suction setting and started vacuuming around the La-z Boy to drown out Jack’s droning on and on. Midway during vacuuming the living room the third time around, she realized she was being ridiculous and turned it off.
“…and did you know Carmen and the devil were walking side by side?”
“No.”
She left after listening to some more absurd talk about the devil in Gunsmoke and put up the vacuum. She drifted away again.
“And just what are your hopes, dreams and aspirations, Joleen?” Andy Cohen asked her. Andy Cohen was giving her an exclusive interview! Oh, he’s so cute! Too bad he’s gay. “You know, to live in fabulous houses and wear fabulous clothes and have a fabulous life like the other girls do, of course. Oh, and for Steve to finally pop the question to Vicki! They could get married and I could…”
“…so, what exactly did Kitty do besides standing around the saloon looking pretty and why was Doc Adams always treating her with his little black bag …”
“She was a whore, you dummy.”
She left and got dressed to go to work as a nurse treating COVID-19 patients. What a relief it will be to get away from Jack for a while.
As she left for work, Jack chirped, “Don’t work too hard darlin’!”
Copyright © Johnny Clack 2022
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