Bible, Guns, and Ammo Fellowship
Pastor Babel Bathos sighed. Should he do as they say do with unruly children, interrupt and redirect? Then he remembered that it never worked with Brother Jack.
“…so, really, why did Nicodemus have to meet Jesus in the middle of the night, anyway? I mean, he was a Jew and some kind of Big Kahuna with the Pharisees, wasn’t he? So, why the middle of the night? Couldn’t they just settle their differences, man Jew to man Jew in broad daylight? Say, come to think of it, Jesus was a Jew, wasn’t he? That’s pretty confusing. I guess maybe he was a Catholic at the end there, probably the first Pope come to think of it. When He arose, was he swinging around that ball of incense, like going up in a puff of…”
“WELL! OKAY!” bellowed Pastor Bathos. “I see by the clock on the wall there, this session of Bible, Guns, and Ammo Fellowship has come to an end, Brothers, here at the Glory Gun Range, and praise be to Brother Flint for letting us use his fine facility again. Another fine Seems, Brother Jack, we’ve strayed quite a bit from today’s topic again, which started out to be Jonah and The Whale.”
The Brothers shifted in their seats and grumbled a bit.
“But I wasn’t finished about…” Brother Jack cried.
“NOW, LET US PRAY!” Pastor Bathos shouted, prompting a smattering of premature Amens.
“Our Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for thy blessings for The Church of Immaculation here in beautiful Chillicothe, Missouri, Home of Sliced Bread. We thank you for giving us this fine day to practice shooting with our semi-automatics here at the Glory Gun Range. We stand ready for you should Antifa, liberals, or socialists dare invade Chillicothe. We pray for your guidance to help us stick to the topic during our Fellowship, for Christ’s sake. We pray for Sister Lack to have the patience to nurse Brother Jack through his time of affliction. We pray for all of us to have patience during his time of affliction. In the name of The Father, The Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.”
A chorus of amens went up. Chairs clattered as the men quickly got up, grabbed their guns, and scrambled for the exit, causing a bit of a pileup at the door with pushing and shoving and fisticuffs nearly breaking out.
Jack tarried behind. “Oh, Brother Jack, I’d like to talk to you now that the meeting is ended,” Pastor Bathos beckoned.
“Well now, Jack, you do have a tendency to hijack – HA! – um, hijack the meetings and wander all around the scripture randomly. Something makes you think you think of something, and off you go on another tangent.”
“I didn’t even get started on Nicodemus and the hundred pounds of incense for the burial. I mean, a hundred pounds, like how long did it take …”
“Jack! Jack! Jack! There you go again. Well, I’ll get right to the point. We’ve decided you should no longer attend the meetings until you get, um, better.”
Joleen opened the door. “Where have you been, Jack? Come on, it’s time to go.”
“You hear that, Joleen? I’ve been kicked out of Bible study! How can someone get kicked out of Bible study?”
“I think I know how,” she sighed. “Come on.” She took him be the arm and led him away.
After the door closed behind them, Pastor Bathos sighed a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you, Jesus! Hallelujah!”
Copyright © Johnny Clack 2022
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