There are certain things a woman should know, and I am here to explain them to you. It is a man’s world after all. Like, for instance, driving a vehicle with a manual transmission or “stick shift.” You just never know when you might have to drive, say, a 1948 Jeep Willys in an emergency.
A car or a truck is not always automatic with the changing of gears. The changing of gears has to do with transmissions and gear ratios and axles – I will cover those another time with you in a more advanced lesson. For now, I will just discuss changing gears with a stick shift. A stick shift is a device typically placed on the floor between the front seats of a vehicle. It “sticks” up from the floor and has a knob with these figures on it – 1 2 3 4 R. The numbers signify the shifting of gears from low (1) to high (4) and R stands for going into reverse. Most women know a gas pedal is for feeding fuel to the engine for its “internal combustion” that makes the car go forward, which will be explained in another advanced lesson I will come to later for you. Most women also know there is a brake next to the gas pedal for stopping the vehicle. However, when there is a stick transmission there is yet another pedal next to the brake called the “clutch.”
Here is where it gets tricky. When the car is stopped and it is safe to advance, take your foot off the brake and push in the clutch. Maneuver the stick shift to the 1 position and gently press the gas pedal whilst slowly releasing the clutch. When the engine starts whining, release the gas pedal, push in the clutch, move the stick shift to the 2 position, release the clutch, then gently press the gas pedal again. Repeat until you have reached the 4 position. If you need to stop the vehicle, release the gas pedal, start braking and push in the clutch. Once fully stopped, the process starts over again.
Then there is the matter of “downshifting” but I will stop here and ask if this has been clear enough or should I slow down and start over?
OW! Whoa! No, no, no, that is not the best way to slap a man. You will want to face the man, plant your feet firmly, swing your arm perpendicular to your body and as far back as possible, open your palm and holding your arm rigid, sweep it forcefully in a 180-degree motion (I assume you know what a “protractor” is). At one point your palm will contact the man’s face smartly but remember – and this is important –
OW! Very good!
Well, perhaps we should move on. Now, a man – like, say, me, for instance – may ask you to a football game next week. You will, of course, want to impress your date and there is no better way to reward him for asking you to the game than to demonstrate your knowledge of it. It is played on a 100-yard field and the idea is for one team, the “offense” to advance …
YEOW! That was the best one yet! Wait, where – well, ok, bye then! Come back tomorrow and I will finish mansplaining football for you!
Copyright © Johnny Clack 2022
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