Author Archives: clackker@gmail.com

By Johnny Clack

Hi! First time on Plenty of Fish. I’m Mr. Diddywadiddy. I’m Looking for a short woman. Really short. Must be no taller than 4’11’’ and no shorter than 4’4’’. I want to hear from you!  ~  Cuddly Cup: Mr. Diddywadiddy, I wish someone could tell me what diddywadiddy means. Can you?   Dear Cuddly Cup: It’sContinue reading “Mr. Diddywadiddy”

The Right Honorable Chief Justice Joe Bob Mullet entered the courtroom, chuckling, with his faithful bloodhounds Billy Bob and Bobby Jo on either side of him. When he reached his chair, he bent down and shushed them, whereupon they laid down and went to sleep like good dogs.  The next eight judges followed in order:Continue reading “Religious Freedom Reconsidered”

The OTHER Collection is a collection of stand-alone stories covering everything from Texas congressional redistricting to quantum physics (sort of) to lawn maintenance to personal essays. Also from the sublime (not really) to the ridiculous.

This is a bad story, a very bad story. It’s probably the worst story you have ever or will ever read. I will not be offended if you just stopped reading now.  It has a cast of thousands and no main characters. None of the characters know any of the other characters. Everything in itContinue reading “Bad Story”

Stop staring at me, blank piece of paper.  Hmmm, piece of paper – pp – PP. That’s what I’m going to startcalling you, PP, so get used to it.  Ok then, I guess you want to have a staring contest, then? Ok, on the count of three.   One-two-three.     tick-tock    tick-tock    tick-tock  Did you just blink, PP? DAMN – that was me. You win again,Continue reading “Block”

I was strolling down the Galveston seawall when I saw Carmen from work and another woman walking side-by-side. We stopped and exchanged pleasantries. Carmen introduced me to her friend Dawn.  The name Dawn fit her well, like the sun just peeping up from the horizon crowned with pink and purple cirrus clouds underlined by yellowContinue reading “Stages”

Any resemblance to the former president is purely intentional. President Ronald Dumpt knew he had to make a decision. The Joint Chiefs of Staff showed him a big poster board with a map that had evil cartoon characters. cartoon ships, cartoon tanks, cartoon cannons, a cartoon atom bomb dropping out of the sky, cartoon explosions, big cartoon holes inContinue reading “The Once and Future President”

It’s Deja Vu All Over Again The Beginning of the End of the End of the Beginning And with that, the floodgates opened. “I swear it all seemed so real! I’ve been holding back, trying to hold it in, thinking I’ll wake up and everything’s normal, well, not normal maybe, but the way it was,Continue reading “Ramble Chapter 13”

Joleen Confesses Her Love for Real Housewife Vicki When Jack got home after work, he found Joleen still in her robe and slumped in the La-Z Boy just like he left her. Highly irregular, he thought. She was usually bustling about busily tidying up and working on her arts and crafts projects or watching theContinue reading “Ramble Chapter 12”