Category Archives: Shorts

Jack is 6’2” tall and a lean muscular 190 pounds with a body perfectly balanced like a gymnast. His black hair cascades in waves to his neck, framing his rugged face with its rare, lustrous turquoise eyes and thick dark lashes that seem to possess your very soul with a single glance. A straight well-proportionedContinue reading “Debonair”

?  Oh, that’s easy. It’s all about me.   ?  Because without me, nothing exists. It’s true for you, too. It’s true for everybody. There’s been all kinds of incomprehensible philosophical treatises written about this very thing, but remember – without me, there is no philosophy. It’s just a way to while away the time and get depressed, if you ask me.  ?  No, not selfish. WithoutContinue reading “Questions Answered”

When “I’ve Been Everywhere” by Johnny Cash came on her playlist, Joleen leapt off the couch, cranked it up and cried out, “C’mon Jack, let’s bust a move!”   “Shake it, baby, shake it!” Jack yelled out as Joleen shimmied and he … well … he did his best. Joleen giggled.  “Whew!” Jack exclaimed as they collapsed back on the couch, breathless. After a minute or so, heContinue reading “Trip”

Jack walked into the living room and announced, “I’m going to Walmart.”  “Where’s your mask?” Joleen asked as she looked up from her Cosmopolitan magazine.  “I ain’t wearing no fucking mask! I don’t care what the fucking Governor announced yesterday! I am a free man! Just because you wear masks, doesn’t mean I have to, baby!”  “Oh, Jack, really. You wouldn’t know, butContinue reading “Mask”

Jack toted up the figures in his notebook.   Expenses:  $650 – paying for damn professional editor  $  50 – paying for a damn professional reviewer  $ 500 – paying a damn professional to design a book cover  $  66 – paying for his own damn books to hand out  $200 –  incidentals, including a damn Monteverde Invincia Deluxe fountain penContinue reading “Not Appreciated”

Jack and Joleen left the community college theater to walk home. Little flakes of snow started falling around them.  “Now is the winter of our discontent,” Jack said.  “Aw shit, snow, it’s gonna be a shitsnow and whatnot,” Joleen moaned.  “Shit snow? Ah yes, Joleen, ‘tis true – brevity is the soul of wit.”  “Yeah, I guess,” Joleen said, pleased he thought she saidContinue reading “The Play’s The Thing”

Per the usual custom, Pastor Bathos greeted his congregants as they exited The Church of The Annunciation after the service.  “Great sermon on The Perfect Christian Wife!” exulted Jack Lack as he eagerly pumped the Pastor’s hand. “Remind me what Bible chapter it was based on again?”  “Proverbs 31 – it’s there in the programContinue reading “The Perfect Christian Wife”

Pastor Bathos “Bubba” Babel cleared his throat.   “Ahem. Before we begin this wedding ceremony today between Brother Jack Lack and Sister Joleen Javonovich, Now, to be clear, a brother and sister can’t become a husband and wife – it’s a symbolical thing like we’re all the sons and daughters of Christ. Well, that’s not literally trueContinue reading “Wedding”

Pastor Babel “Bubba” Bathos stepped up to the podium after the opening hymnal “And I Must Be to Judgement Brought.”  “All praise and glory to our music minister, Mrs. Thaddeus Tsongus! Welcome everyone to our Church of the Immaculation!” The Church of the Immaculation was housed in a long-abandoned frame house on the edge of town.  “Now here are this week’s announcements. We regret the unfortunate misspelling mistake onContinue reading “End Times”

Author’s note: readers are encouraged to preview a YouTube clip of this song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOfFB5QF4iQ.  Jack brought up YouTube on the big screen in the dingy off-campus apartment. Shirley lit up a joint and started passing it around. Might as well get blitzed. because she knew he was about to get all wound up and go on and on about someContinue reading “Short Shorts”