This story was inspired by my four-year-old granddaughter, June, who built two Lego cats and named them Peter Pants and Zombie Face.
Peter Pants said, “You’re just a scaredy-cat, Zombie Face, that’s all you are.”
Zombie Face hissed, “No, YOU’RE just a scaredy-cat, Peter Pants, everyone knows that.”
Peter Pants and Zombie Face were hunting mice underneath the house where they lived on a hot August night. A car started up outside and both cats leaped at once and bumped their heads on the floorboards from underneath the house. “ME-OWWW!” they both screeched at once.
“I told you so, scaredy-cat, you jumped and screamed,” Zombie Face said after she settled down on her haunches as if nothing had happened.
“HA! I saw you jump and scream,” replied Peter Pants as he lay on the ground as if nothing had happened.
“You did NOT!”
“I did TOO!”
Well, the truth is, neither one saw the other jump and scream because they both always jumped and screamed at the very same time whenever they got scared. And they always got scared at the same time, for they were never apart from one another.
So, they had this same argument every time they got scared.
They got on each other’s nerves a lot, too.
“I’m prettier than you, Peter Pants,” Zombie Face would say. “I have jet black fur with little white socks on my feet. I have mysterious yellow eyes and really long whiskers that curl up at the end. I have a sexy purr. All the boys like me”
“Oh no, Zombie Face, you look like you’ve been beat with an ugly stick. Now me, I have beautiful orange fur all over and big green eyes. I have a long twitchy witchy tail that makes the girls giggle when I wiggle it around.”
Oh, they argued about everything, like who was the strongest, who was the longest, who had the best fur, who had best meow, who had the best purr, who had the best his-s-s-s, and on and on and on.
Mostly, they just slept during the day then wake up and wait around for old Mrs. G. Whillikers to feed them and then sleep some more. At night, they went out and got into mischief.
Peter Pants and Zombie Cat liked to slink around at night. They’d lower their bodies and somehow make them longer and make long strides, their ears twitching.
Sometimes they’d get together with other cats and all the cats would just sit around and ignore each other and slink away, one by one. Except for Peter Pants and Zombie Cat – they always left together.
At night, they liked to chase mice under Mrs. G. Whillikers house. They were very good at chasing mice because they worked together. Now this was very unusual because no two other cats in the whole world ever, ever worked together on anything. But Peter Pants and Zombie Face did work together to catch mice.
Here’s how it worked. Peter Pants would go lurk under the lowest step of the stairs leading up to the house where he would crouch down and be as still and quiet as … well … as a mouse. Zombie Face would go to the other end underneath the house and crouch down too and be really still and quiet.
Zombie Face was just as black as she could be, so she was very hard to see. She would fold her little white sock feet under herself so nobody could see them either. She would close her yellow eyes way down as far as she could into little slits and still be able to see.
When a mouse crossed her path, Zombie Face would all of a sudden spring into action and be everywhere at once! Whenever the mouse would turn one way, she’d leap in front of him in a flash and if he turned the other way, she’d be in front of him again in a flash!
In this way, Zombie Face would lead the mouse straight into the claws of Peter Pants and they would have a delicious snack together.
But there was one mouse they could never catch, and his name was Shrodig. Shrodig was the fastest, quickest mouse in the world. Zombie Face could never catch up with him. Peter Pants would come out and they would chase Shrodig together until Shrodig would disappear into a secret hideaway they could never get into, no matter how hard they tried!
Once he was safe in his little hideaway, Shrodig would just laugh and laugh and laugh and the cats would both get so mad! They’d jump up and down like maniacs and hiss as loud as they could, but they could never get Shrodig to come out of his little hideaway.
Safely tucked away, Shrodig would taunt the two cats. “I can’t see you, but I know you two are really just one cat, and you both are and you aren’t.”
Peter Pants and Zombie Face looked at each other just to be sure they were two different cats.
“Well, Shrodig, let us assure you we are, in fact, two different cats.” But they both spoke at the same time with only one voice.
Peter Pants immediately looked at Zombie Face, but she was not where she was just one second ago!
Zombie Face immediately looked at Peter Pants, but he was not where he was just one second ago!
Now there was just one cat where just a second ago there were two!
The cat said “Wait a minute! Who am I?”
Shrodig laughed and shouted, “You are now Zombie Pants! And you are and you’re not!
“How can that be? I am Zombie Pants and here I am!”
“You are both one cat and two cats and you are and you aren’t!” Shrodig cackled like a maniac.
“That means I’m three cats now! I mean we’re three cats now! Oh, I’m … no, I mean we’re … well, whatever, I or we are so confused!”
Shrodig laughed and laughed and laughed, then suddenly shot out of his hideaway and poof! just disappeared!
Now there were three cats sitting underneath the house.
“Wait a minute! Who are you?” said one.
“I’m Peter Pants! Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Zombie Face!” she said.
They both turned toward the third cat. “And who are you?” they asked in one voice.
“I’m Zombie Pants! I’m not sure if I’m a boy or a girl.” Zombie Pants had a calico coat, a long sleek yellow tail, and lime eyes.
“Oh, it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, because you’re one of us now and together we’re all going to catch Shrodig!” the other two said with one voice.
And that made Zombie Pants very happy,
Peter Pants and Zombie Face were happy too, and they never had another argument.
The cats never did catch Shrodig, but they all three lived together happily ever after.
Copyright © Johnny Clack 2022
June
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