Category Archives: Shorts

A Look Back on a Life … well … Lived As I come up on my eighth decade of existence, it’s time for a reckoning. Or not. What is a reckoning anyway? <dictionary break>. Ah, a calculation of a ship’s position. I see the edge ahead where I will fall off into the setting sun before too long.  The older you get, the flatterContinue reading “Reckoning”

This story was inspired by my four-year-old granddaughter, June, who built two Lego cats and named them Peter Pants and Zombie Face.  Peter Pants said, “You’re just a scaredy-cat, Zombie Face, that’s all you are.”  Zombie Face hissed, “No, YOU’RE just a scaredy-cat, Peter Pants, everyone knows that.”  Peter Pants and Zombie Face were hunting mice underneathContinue reading “Shrodig the Rat and The Cats (?)”

This is an accounting of how I learned about sex as a Southern Baptist boy growing up in Texas in the 1960s, first the deep piney woods of Tyler, then in Plano, then a small-town north of Dallas. It is certainly not about sex education. Such a thing did not exist at that time.   Adults never talked about sex – not my parents, or in school, or in church, or onContinue reading “How Not To Get Sex Educated”

The 1972 spring semester for Johnny’s sophomore year ended. He needed to get back home to Dallas for his summer job at the liquor store, where he could sell booze but not buy it. He could fight in a war, but not drink booze. Damn Baptists.  Johnny had a part-time job on campus where he could walk anywhere he needed to go, soContinue reading “Hitch”

“Goddamn, Biggs, stop fuckin with me!”  Goat stared wildly at Professor Biggs Hoson.  Biggs rocked his lanky frame on the back two legs of his chair and tugged at his Rice University t-shirt.  Big Titty Vicky sat next to Goat, topless with green body paint depicting a marijuana plant growing up from her navel to her neck with leaves providing a scarce veil for her nipples.  SheContinue reading “Particles”

Every line in this poem is from the subject header of spam email I have received – JC ~ I have been told about you  Ooh La La!  Coming in Hot  These singles noticed your attention. Don’t hesitate, act now!  Stop seducing me this way, it’s painful!  You have a lot of pleasure and painContinue reading “SPAM POEM”

Deep in the Emergency Command Center of the Texas Bullion Depository in Leandar, Texas, a meeting was called to order.    “Ok, everybody, let’s get this here show on the road. Y’all know we’re here to draw up the REAL 2020 Census redistricting plan for the congressional districts of the Great State of Texas for REAL Texans! Got to do it in secret, you know, otherwise it’s too democr … I mean, messy. Aw hell,Continue reading “Redistricting 2020 – Texas Style”

Professor Jacques Lacque received his Agregation de Philisophe from Sorbonne University in Paris after completing his dissertation on “Postmodernism and the Corruption of the Academic Intelligentsia.” Jacques Lacque received a lot of flacque from the academic intelligentsia about his work, so he wanted to get as far away from France as possible.  And that’s how he and his wife Marie wound up in Alpine, Texas where heContinue reading “Stranger in a Strange Language”

*At the time I taught Texas Government in a community college, the state legislature was considering a law allowing concealed carry of handguns on campus (it passed). I asked students to write a paper weighing the pros and cons of the proposed law. The following is a composite paper consisting of sentences taken verbatim without corrections fromContinue reading “Being A Composite and Incomplete Paper on Concealed Carry of Handguns on College Campuses in Texas With an Overly Long Introduction, Weak Arguments and A Succinct Conclusion “

Hello! My name is Doctor Johnny Spam. Do you know how much valuable email medical advice you may be sending to your trash or spam folders? Without even looking? Well, that’s a shame! My specialty is curating medical email to bring you the very latest in miracle cures for … well … you name it. Aches andContinue reading “Snake Oil!”